Mowing down psychological tall grass and tangled weeds; clearing the field and planting new seeds. Thoughts lifted from my angry days, when someone asks my opinion and then denies it. If I tell you my favorite color, who else would have the "right" answer? Challenge it, oppose if you must, but to correct it is to erase my existence. If we all had the same thoughts, there would be no need for democracy. Cogito Ergo Sum.


this is where it started

There are nine young men in that picture, three ladies; and their parents. The year is 1908.

You would think that there would be people with this particular surname populating the country from coast to coast.

What I can tell you is that the oldest of those young men was killed in World War I.

One never married.

One never had children.

Five had children; four had all girls.

Only one had a male child.

That male child had an only child, and I am him.

And I feel so worthless, the world is so fucked up and people treat each other with such hostility and distrust and suspicion I just don't see the point.

So in a little over 100 years, the family name will disappear.

Do you think after I was gone, someone would want to know why?

What do you think would happen if I posted I was thinking while I'm still here?

That will be in the next post - I'll tell you what they did last time. They not only called it "health care" when the one thing they cared nothing about was my health or my state of mind; they sent me a bill for holding me against my will - which my insurance company refused to pay because I had not been pre-approved (to be held against my will).

So this will be the beginning of how to build a broken person, and why the forces still insist that it's their still their job to break me some more. But if they ever do to me again what they did the last time they asked me if I was depressed, I'll have all the reasons to actually go through with it.

And the irony goes right by them. It's like Catch-22 meets Russian Roulette.

They're going to keep trying to fix me until I finally am so broken that I finally give up.

But I can't get them to leave me alone.


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